Befuddled..

Rite now i so dun know where to go, wut to do. His actions and reactions just perplexed me. One moment he was ok. Just go on with life. I'm happy we are frens, just frens. So, i was like, ok..fine. Since u are ok with it, then ok la, we are frens. Then the very next moment, he's jealous and hurting.

I know myself, yg i am not over him. I know we are over. And we are like...never be able to make it or not even gonna try, I guess. Tp I am still here. I may have taken sum baby steps, but I'm not making any big progress. And ppl n time seems to move so fast around me, in a way I think like I'm freezed at this point of my life. I cant seem to move on.

How to make this thing work? Hana kept on saying yg he'll realize eventually. And he might take back his words. But I was like, 'Tak la hana, we'll nvr make it, die ckp, kitorang kwn je. N we will stay frens je'. Yelah, kinda like I am used to the idea yg he's over me. It hurts, tp I've terima it. So, when yesteday happened, I just dun know. I even took a step back. N i start questioning my actions n my decisions. I know it is not a gud thing. Tp how can I not, when I do hope yg he still loves me. And I do hope yg he'll realized yg I'm the one for him. And deep down I feel like we are destined together. :'( No matter how I tried to give sumbody else a chance, it will come to the point where I wud be like, 'Wut? He wont do this,'. So, welcoming sumbody else into my life rite now, is not really an option.

I am seriously so confused, messed up, befuddled, perplexed, and all the synonyms of these. I dont know. I cant wait for him forever. I mean, if he realized it in a year or two, so, it mite be ok...but wut if he realized it 5 or 10 years from now? I wud be like 35 or even 40, which is so damn old. I dun want to spent my life waiting and stuck here, do I? I dun want to die a lonely lady if it turns out he finds somebody else and marry the lady. Kan?

Ya Allah, please help me on this...