Gwen Stefani - 4 in the Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

Reasons

Just a reminder for myself:-
1. I left
2. Do things behind the back
3. Family

Thoughts

Something i came across in the paper:
"Life is like a landscape. You live in the midst of it, but can describe it only from the vantage point of distance."
-Charles A. Lindbergh (1902-1974)

Befuddled..

Rite now i so dun know where to go, wut to do. His actions and reactions just perplexed me. One moment he was ok. Just go on with life. I'm happy we are frens, just frens. So, i was like, ok..fine. Since u are ok with it, then ok la, we are frens. Then the very next moment, he's jealous and hurting.

I know myself, yg i am not over him. I know we are over. And we are like...never be able to make it or not even gonna try, I guess. Tp I am still here. I may have taken sum baby steps, but I'm not making any big progress. And ppl n time seems to move so fast around me, in a way I think like I'm freezed at this point of my life. I cant seem to move on.

How to make this thing work? Hana kept on saying yg he'll realize eventually. And he might take back his words. But I was like, 'Tak la hana, we'll nvr make it, die ckp, kitorang kwn je. N we will stay frens je'. Yelah, kinda like I am used to the idea yg he's over me. It hurts, tp I've terima it. So, when yesteday happened, I just dun know. I even took a step back. N i start questioning my actions n my decisions. I know it is not a gud thing. Tp how can I not, when I do hope yg he still loves me. And I do hope yg he'll realized yg I'm the one for him. And deep down I feel like we are destined together. :'( No matter how I tried to give sumbody else a chance, it will come to the point where I wud be like, 'Wut? He wont do this,'. So, welcoming sumbody else into my life rite now, is not really an option.

I am seriously so confused, messed up, befuddled, perplexed, and all the synonyms of these. I dont know. I cant wait for him forever. I mean, if he realized it in a year or two, so, it mite be ok...but wut if he realized it 5 or 10 years from now? I wud be like 35 or even 40, which is so damn old. I dun want to spent my life waiting and stuck here, do I? I dun want to die a lonely lady if it turns out he finds somebody else and marry the lady. Kan?

Ya Allah, please help me on this...

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words

Ok2..I know it should read..'It's Over, gal. Let him go..!' :p

Btw, I've already let him go...Duhh....

Awkward

Feeling awkward skit ari nih towards one particular person. Not that it is uncalled for. I'm not regretting or embarrassed or that sort. Just that...ntah la…I am happy. I am glad I did what I did. Tp cam, rase lain skit jer. Maybe cam pelik skit. Or maybe cam erm....awkward la.

Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Sbb cam, maybe cam pk bukan2 skit..pk len skit...padahal mende nyer same jer cam before2. Ntah la...my mind kot. I think we emailed or msg cam biase tp i feel len jugak...Rase cam there's a distance. Tp maybe cam tak...so entah la...

Nak tanye cam segan plak. Tak tanye jadi camni la...abaikan la...tak penting pun rasenyer.

*tak penting ke???*

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

Wonderwall - Oasis

Dgr lagu nih on the way to work tadi. Just reminiscing old time. :)

Wonderwall - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Roadtax

Ok...this gonna be a very pusing2 story. Remember my last post about the roadtax, so here is wut we find out.

Krete tuh kena blacklist atas IC abg boy (my older bro). Bukan atas krete kancil tuh itself. Kesalahan die is potong belah kiri, on 22th Aug, 2006, at 7.32am, at Jalan erm tak ingat ape in Kuala Terengganu. Offender was my my bro with krete wira. Kena saman but he forgot to pay. Then kena naik court but die tak pegi (surat pun tak smpi kat umah). So, we, the family didnt know. I remembered he told sumthing about saman n die tak byr lagi, tp tak tau la smpi skrang.

Ok, since die tak byr, krete kancil nih is atas name die. That's y krete nih kena blacklisted tak bleh renew roadtax. So, kirenyer, it wasnt me la yg kena saman ekor ke wutsoever. It is my bro. Heheh...Lega....

:p

Bla Bla Bla

Dah lame tak jot down sumthing yg panjang2. Well, gud things and bad things happened this past few days. Tp not in the rush nak share with everyone i guess. Ntah la....my other post tuh ader maksud sendri yg only i (and a few selected persons) wud understand n remember i guess. Want to keep it dat way. :)

Well...let me tell things yg i think i dun mind sharing. First pasal my roadtax. Im using my bro's kancil car skrang nih. My initial car (well its not ekceli mine, but mo or less la) is our family maroon wira. And i love this car so so much. Dah attached ngan die. Tp dah swap ngan my brother. :( Well, pasal roadtax nih, my car nih (kancil) roadtax die abis today. Dr isnin dah remind papa utk renew. Tp, since papa kat alor setar n kl, die tokleh nak renew that time. So yesterday papa pegi la jpj utk tlg renew kan. Then, pagi2 tuh papa col, 'Sharina, papa kat JPJ nih, nak renew roadtax, tp tak boleh, sbb kerete dlm senarai itam polis. Mcm mane boleh jadi camtuh? Awak bleh cek kat balai polis kerteh tuh tak?'

I was like, 'Wut?'. Mane ader i wat pape ngan krete tuh. Ishk2....Since smalam ader byk keje, i just cek thru internet...tp takde la plak saman yg tak byr. So ari nih still waiting for my uncle utk cek mende tuh.

Btul2 mendownkan diri la smalam pasal mende nih. Plus ngan rase been betrayed tuh. Hmmmm.......lepas dah cakap ngan papa, masuk toilet, nangis...tensen sgt smalam. Even my new fren yg tumpang pegi blk keje pun perasaan im unusually senyap. Let alone frens yg dah rapat. Hmmm....Tp luckily, i still can manage la...Malam smalam malas dah nak pk pasal mende nih..Tunggu je la sat lagi nih ape yg uncle ckp. Then i guess papa will settle it la. My lovely papa. Hehehe...

N lucky jugak sbb smalam ader org leh nak cheer me up. :) Tho dah kinda late, tp kire ok la...hehehe....*Sigh*

Second, i nak crite pasal ape ek? Erm...pasal keje wud be like, BORING. So tak payah la. Then nak crite pasal ape? Love life? Af coz not..Mane ader love life skrang nih? Ke ader? Hmmmm??? Tp not in the mood to ponder on that either...Wut about.....erm.....my couz? Erm...cam malas jugak jer....hehehe...takpe la...tak payah la crite pape...hehehe..:)

Daaa~~~

Betrayed

I dun like this feeling. Its sumthing yg i really dun like....grrr....Its worst then feeling unloved by the person yg u love. Seriously! Well, I am an expert in that part so i wud know how it feels. To say the least this is worst, ok? But heck, I dun want to discuss it. But seriously i felt like i'd been stabbed at the back. God...help me get thru this.

Realization

ITS OVER!
ITS OVER!
ITS OVER!

Rihanna - Umbrella

This song got nothing to do with anything. I just think it is kinda nice and catchy. "Ella, Ella, eh eh eh"....hehe...:)

Rihanna- Umbrella

You had my heart
We'll never be worlds Apart
They be in magazines
You'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
you can't see shiny cars
That's when you need me there
With you i'll always Share
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

Cause everything
Will never come in between
Your apart of my Entity
Here for infinity
When the war has delt it's part
when the world has delt it's card
If the hand is hard
Together we'll messure up
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

[bridge:]
You can run into my arms
it's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into me)
(there's no distance in between our love)
Go on and let the Rain pour
I'll be out here needing more
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

It's raining
Oh baby it's raining
Baby Come Into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining
You can always come into me

To Clarify

Ppl mite get the feeling of eagerness in my last post. Please dont get me wrong. Me and azmi, we are not trying to patch our couple things up again. It's kinda over. Erm, we are trying hard to move on. Maybe it is hard, but we are trying. Maybe its time we both give other ppl chances. Maybe.....wuteva....

Its kinda nice to have sumone to be there for u. Not as ur better half, but as a fren. It is nice, to have sumone to talk to about life and what's been going on. Owh come on, we've been together for 6 years, n known each other a lifetime, so give us a break, ok? I wudnt know sumone who knows me better than he does. Seriously. It is so nice having him to talk to.

Tp we are not patching things up. As frens. Strictly frens. :)

Note: there is another side of this story, u know.

Smiley =>

Im all smiley and heppi these past few days. Wut makes me so happy tho there're quite a lot of things that can bring me down? Simple....its AZMI.

He's been so nice these past few days that sumtimes rase cam dulu plak. Not the time yg we were together as couple. Tp as best frens. To sape2 yg tak tau, me and azmi, kitorang skolah same, satu kelas. Kalo nak recap our history, maybe panjang la...sbb it started from standard 6. Best frens mase die kat KMK n i kat UTP.

So its like the old days. Nice. And still ader gaduh2..which i in a way missed it mase kitorang grew apart for like 3 months. So, bile gaduh nih cam bess plak. Hehe. Call me twisted or weird, but i did. Haha....

Yelah, as i told ainur earlier (and him later), sumtimes i wish he could be like other guys yg dun want to be frens dgn their ex as soon as diorang broke up. Tak nak amik tau dah. Tp, well, i fall in love with him (and still is) sbb he is who he is. He's the caring type. Maybe la there's sum old memories n grudge yg he cant forget, tp he is who he is. And im heppi that this doesnt change who he is. In a way, it tells me that i didnt make a mistake by falling in love with him. Hmmmm....

So, takpe la....Azmi's here...and im kinda heppi. Tho, i get sum headache thinking of my lil bro. Tak tau la ape nak jadi ngan akram nih. Mcm2 perangai die. Biase la org ckp, anak bongsu. Yup...ala....akram n me, we are the rebels in our family. Slalu je nak break rules n do things yg our better siblings wont. Hehe....

So, anyway....dah mlm...chiow....

*Wink*Wink*

Simple words

You cant imagine how a few simple words can crushed u.
Its not dat u didnt expect it coming, but it still hurts when it actually comes.
For me today is 'like i did'.
Simple words that can definitely mean a lot of things.
But today, for me, it means devastated. Crushed. Trampled. Bulldozed. All that....by mere simple words.

Our Lives

Last nite, i got this phone call from a dear fren, Ainur. Bleh thn lame gak la kitorang ckp. She is one of my fren yg go way back. Since secondary. Byk la mende yg kitorang went thru together. Kelas same, pengakap, boys, gaduh, made-up, etc etc2.

So, we talked of our lives skrang nih. Just nak catch up with wut each other's been doing. Tu je. Tp in the end, kitorang rase sgt depressed. But, not by the company, mind u. Tp on live in general. We have our own fair share of depressing stories. Tp, all in all, it was gud to talk to fren yg we can always rely on. The one yg u can tell ur dreams, ur fears, ur secrets-the one u've been holding back so that the world wudnt know.

So, it is kinda nice. :)

Ainur, this is for us. :)

The Calling - Our Lives

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go wrong
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
These are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

Contentment

Today, i am just grateful that i am alive. That i am stil breathing and that i still can live my life.

I mite have lost the love of my life. But as far as i can see, i know he's there for me. For the time being at least. Well, maybe for these past two days. We had these really geat conversations. Not the luvey duvey type. But the type when we are really comfortable with our partner. And im really thankful for that.

It mite not help me move on faster, but it does make me stronger in a sense. Maybe the fact that i know he stil care. Maybe not as before, but he does care nevertheless. And the fact that i know he'll always give me the strength and motivation that i need.

Well, im thankful for it. Tho ppl mite say im stupid. But its my life, i can do, i can say and feel wuteva is fit for me. Haha..:p Plus, i think that i've tried to do things to win him back. Yerp, i did. Maybe it was kinda late for him, but i am at ease with myself to know that i had tried. Tho to no avail, but i tried. Rite? Life, it is all about trying kan? So, i am contented.

To add up to this, i think im heppi with my family. They always support me in wut i do. Well, maybe not in all, i made mistakes, i got all sort of punishments. And in family, there are fights. A lil bit here n there. Misunderstanding but as ppl say family luv is unconditional, wuteva u did, whoever u become, it doesnt matter to them, they luv u forever and endlessly.

And i got a job. Maybe not as superior as i hope and dream it to be. But still i got a job. :) Rite.

So, there a lot of things that i need to be thankful for. I shudnt be a wreck case, rite? At least, not for today.

Alhamdulillah.

Anas Hakeem

I ran out of ideas dah nak tulis about this lil fella. The third child of my sis.

Anas Hakeem is his name. Born on 22nd of May, 2006, weighted 2.51kg. Smallest of all three. About two years after Luqman. Delivery tak la complicated sgt, sbb my sis dah awal2 choose nak caeser.

A tough bloke. Had a gud survivor instinct. Nak lawan kakak die yg 4 thn tuh. Have to la. If not asyik kena buli je ngan kakak die. Imagine la, kena pukul or ketuk kepala slamber2 ajer. Tp, budak nih have a fair share of mischief as well. Kakak die tgh syok2 tido, die la yg pegi kaco. Tarik rambut sme. Tp kadang2 cium jugak, peluk. Sayang. Same cam kakak die, adik die tido, cium, sayang. Then br kaco. So kalo nak kasi dua-dua tak kaco each other, kena tido tmpt2 len. Tp mlm mmg wajib la tido ngan ummi n abah die.

Hakeem has a very notty and cheeky face. Wat kitorang rase geram je nak gigit2. Luv his laugh. He's a very jovial kid. Tp sgt panas baran weeii. Kecik2 dah tunjuk belang. Tak dpt ape2, mengamuk. Know how? Geget org, carpet, or wuteva yg ader depan die at the time. Ader one time die nak marah kat kakak die sbb kaco die, die pegang tngan kakak die, tp pegang budak kecik, kakak die smpt la tarik, last2 die tergeget tgn die sendri. Satu rumah terkejut dgr die nangis time tuh. Klakar pun ader gak la. Hahahah.

And same as his sis, die nih pun dah pndai ckp simple words. Ummi, abah, wan, aki, kakak, chantik, ampu (lampu), ta ta (star). Hehehe. Biase la. Budak2, 11 months old baru. Takkan nak ckp in a perfect word kan? Cut him sum slack la. Hahaha.Mcm kakak die jugak, die lmbt skit bab2 jalan nih. Skrang nih nak berdiri pun takut. He may looks kecik molek, tp agak berat jugak la. Just like Luqman, bdn die jenis yg mantap gitu. Hehe. Tp die nih kecik skit dr Luqman dulu. Mase die dlm 4 bulan, he looks so much like Luqman mase Luqman 1 months. So similar, that bile org tgk gambar Luqman dulu, bleh ingat Hakeem.

Hakeem, sgt active. Not at all like kakak die at the same age. Maybe sbb laki kot. Panjat sini, panjat sane. Active. Tak duduk diam seminit pun if he's awake. Kalo atas katil tuh pun die boleh turun. Luckily kitorang dah ajar awal2, if die nak turun, turun kaki dulu, so die akan pusing badan everytime die nak turun katil. So far, takde la kes die jatuh katil lagi. Hampir2 la, but then tuh mase die kecik lagi. Alhamdulillah my sis smpt smbut. Mother instinct. Tgh tido pun bleh sedar. :)

For me la, nakal si Hakeem nih die cover utk Luqman skali. Hahahah...Can't imagine camne nak jaga 3-3 had Luqman is still with us. As i said b4, semua ader hikmah die. Alhamdulillah we have Hakeem utk melepaskan rindu to Luqman.

More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152719.

Anas Luqman

Anas Luqman. He's my nephew. My late nephew.

He was born on 27th May 2004, weighted 3.59kg. This lil fella, my sis mmg face complication nk deliver die. Her water broke, tp die tak perasan. Up until die dah on the way nak blk kuantan, die start sakit2. My mother suruh die singgah HKT since my bro is there. So, kat situ la die deliver our dear Luqman.

At first, the doctors suruh die push. Tho die ckp die dah tak larat. Smpi my bro pun kena marah. Yes, my bro pun masuk delivery room tu. Sbelah tgn die pegang abg din (my bro-in-law), another my bro. I cant imagine the hurt. Tp die mmg tokleh push mase tuh. Pastu, bile dah paksa2 jugak, dah push2, kepala Luqman dah kluar, br doc realized yg Luqman nyer position tak bleh nak deliver the normal way. Pastu diorang suruh my sis nih stop push. Bygkan la. Kena wat c plak.

Mase tgh sakit2 tuh, die kena plak sign form utk agree wat c. Tak bleh org len sign. So since die dah sgt penat n dah try deliver the normal way, doc kasi die bius satu bdn for the operation. And after a few hours, lahirla our beloved Anas Luqman.

Luqman, I cant describe him in loads of words compare to anis. He was with us for a short but very meaningful and memorable time.

He passed away a day before raye puase, 2004 (13th Nov, 2004) due to virus infection in the lung, kidney, heart. We didnt know until the very last day of his life. He was having a fever for a few days. Tp mase die kat Besut my sis ader bwk die to clinic, tp diorang just kasi ubat utk diarrhea n fever. I was fetching my sis n her beloved children with papa three days b4 raye tuh. And yes, anas sgt cranky in a way. We just tot sbb die demam. Die asyik merengek, cannot sleep, and not active at all. Kalo tido pun, die nak atas riba org. Nvr imagine he'll be living us in two days time.

(Note to other parents, n myself in the future: If your child tak playful, bwk la gi jumpe doc. Get a thorough check-up. Sbb children, tho die skt, die still can be active. Maybe takde la active as they usually are, tp still active. Tp if die snyp, n cam penat jer all the time, pegi la wat checkup. There must be sumthing wrong. Tp kalo anak tu mmg cam senyap n budak yg baik (there are babies camnih), kire cam mmg die normal camtuh, so takde mende la nak worri. Unless mmg die skt la. Hehe. Tp tak salah if we get a thorough check-up. For our child, our pride n joy jugak kan? We want the best for them, kan?).

Anas, I can just describe him as a very well behaved child. Sgt kuat n tough. Sbb mase tuh anis still kecik. A year n a half kot. Anis nak tunjuk affection pun kadang2 cam kasar, so kinda menyakitkan Luqman jugak. But, everything yg kakak die 'terbuat' kat die, he just winced a bit. Luqman, suare die sgt nyaring n kuat. Kalo compare 3-3 adik bradik, nangis Luqman plg kuat. Hehehe...And for me, die sgt adorable. If you look at him, esp mase die 4-5 months tuh, you just cant help but fall in love ngan die. Seriously, i think he's adorable.

And die la peneman ummi die tgh AF2 mlm2. Hehehe. Sbb die agak susah nak tido malam2 nih. Time die active. Hehe. N my sis also ckp, luqman, if die nak susu mlm2, kalo org tak sedar, die senyap jer. Just gerak2 kan badan skit2. Unless kalo my sis tak jage jugak, br la die nangis.

And, mind you, he's the anak sedara yg berjaya kencing atas me. While i was changing his diapers. Tp i still love him dearly. At least i do have sumthing to look back to. Hahaha....I miss him. Cant help but feel a lil regret. Sumtimes i feel yg mcm i dun give him as much attention as i gave anis b4. Die duk jauh kat besut pun time tu. Anis mase kecik die duk muadzam, like one an a half hour drive dr kuantan. Besut is like 6 hours man. Tp, i wished i had taken the time. There was a gap of 2-3 months i tak tgk die. Updated with his perkembangan. Tp tak jumpe. I regret it so so much. Tp maybe Allah nak save me the memories kot. Tkt i cant terima if attached sgt dgn die. Sbb everything mesti ader hikmah kan?

Tp one thing yg Im thankful, I smpt spend the last 2 days ngan of his life with him. And thank god he remembered me tho dah tak jumpe lame. My sis ckp, die sgt susah nak pegi kat org yg die tak kenal. I smpi2 rumah tuh, amik die, die tak nangis pun, he even slept on my lap. Kak Lin ckp, dgn abah die pun die tak nak tido. So, Im so damn thankful. (Im crying while I'm writing this, cant help).

May he rest in peace and ditempatkan di syurga di tmpt2 org yg soleh and beriman. Al-Fatihah. Amin.

I miss so damn much lil fella.
More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152712.

Anis 'Aqilah

This is Anis. My beloved 4-year-old niece. Sgt nakal n manja. She's my sis's daughter. First in the family. So you can imagine how spoilt she is. And yes, thanks to the always obliging aki, wan, nana, ayah su and ayah ngah. Hahah..

Anis, she was born on 8th Apr 2003, weighted 2.79kg. First baby, so kinda complicated skit nak deliver. Haha..My sis almost kena c, tp die adamant nak try pushed jugak, so end up budak nih kena vacuum.

She's the pride and joy of our family. She talks a lot. She can talk skit2 from the age of 11 months. Simple words la. Usually org ckp, kalo mulut die cepat, jalan lambat. For her case, die start jln when she is 13 months.

For me, anis is very clever. In a way yg mcm org besar la konon2. In the way of talking la. U can be amazed sumtime and shock by the words yg she used. Sbb tk sangka die paham the makne behind the words. If tak caya, try la dtg to my house, check her out yourself. Haha.

When she was lil, me and my boo (at that time) slalu bwk die kluar jalan2. Usually we will always had a blast. Pegi pantai, playground. She wud like us to bring her to play the 'sshlide', 'sshwing' etc2. My boo pun dun mind a bit. Oh, and my boo's family as well. Kinda, they were attached to anis in sum way or another and anis to them. Anis skrang nih will always make a statement cam, 'Anis rindu Uncle', 'Nana bile nak kawen ngan Uncle, Anis syg Uncle'. Sweet, but also depressing for me. Hahaha..enuff of my love life. This entry shudnt be a trip down memory lane. :p (To see his entry on anis, go to this link http://noruazumi.fotopages.com/?entry=579231).

Continue on Anis. Die dah skolah. Die gi skolah dlm kul 9 - 12.30. Then die akan pegi ngaji at 3.30 to 4.30. She loves making frens. She can be very frenly when she is in the mood. Tp watch out, kalo ader org yg pelik2 skit, better get her away from the person's hearing distant. If not, she can voice out her mind, ikut ske ati die jer nak cakap ape. Budak kecik, mane phm the word yg she said can be very offending. Hehe.. By the way, pasal skolah tuh, die masuk preschool, that is utk meringankan beban my mom n dad. Sbb pagi my sis n bro-in-law keje. So, by hantar die ke skolah, bleh la educate die n also, utk mengelakkan die notty sgt kat rumah. Sbb tkt die gaduh ngan adik die, sape susah, kitorang jugak.

Kat skolah, she learns english, maths, bm, n mandarin. She can converse in mandarin very well. At first we thought she was talking rubbish. But then one day, kitorang dgr die had a conversation ngan this chinese guy yg baiki our house. And that chinese guy ckp, die pandai ckp mandarin. So there you go. So, if nak ajar ur children ape2, start at a very young age. Die mudah blaja time2 nih. Tp ironically, she doesnt like english, whereas my sis is an english teacher. Haha..So, i guess genes dont have anything to do with ur minat. ;p

Rite now, she is in a very...erm....insecure stage of her tender age. Sbb nyer, she just got a new bro, Anas Hakeem, of 11 months. Her late bro Anas Luqman passed away 2 years ago in the age of 5 months. So, after being the center of attention for the 3 years of her life, skrang kena kongsi ngan adik die. Sgtla sensitif nyer skrang nih. Yesterday, i need to bring her to mcd, just becoz die jeles i brought back a mcd toy for his bro. I said, i will buy for her other times, terus nangis, merajuk lari naik atas. Heheh...pastu die ketuk2 kepala adik die. Jeles punyer pasal. So, nak pujuk blk and utk elakkan adik die jadi bhn pelepas marah n jeles die, bwk la die gi mcd, beli toy hello kitty plak.

Well, tu la serba skit bout my sweet lil niece nih.

P/s: Die nih pun dah jadi my companion bile nak tgk wayang citer budak2. Hehe.

(Nak lighten things up a lil bit. My blog is far too depressing if not. Hehe...)

More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152402.

OTH

I watched OTH the whole day yesterday n today. It so much as potray my life. Not in the exact details, but quite as much. But the impt msg is to tell that there are consequences we need to face with every decision we make. The gud and the bad, the karma will just going to hit u back, rite between the eye. Whether we like it or not.

Hmmm....I think that i've been a very very bad person lately. I dun even know who i am at times. I dun know. Im just afraid to take chances rite now. Coz everything i did, the decision i made, i think it is the wrong one. Im afraid that things will come back to me the same way as i did to hurt other ppl feelings.

I was not a bad person. Not a bad person at all. I was kinda a rebel, but not that bad. Rite now, i feel like a jerk. There's a mask i've been wearing for so long. When ppl see me, they see the superficial me not the damn real me.

Ppl sumtime say, your frens define who you are. And yes, i've been compared to my frens so many time. I've been trying to tell ppl that i may not be as good as they think i am. And they will say things such as, 'I see u with Oja, Ok aje'. Dun get me wrong, my frens, they were great. I have nothing against them. They are those ppl whom others will classified as gud ones, smart ones etc. In primary, i got tg, azreen, farah and loads more. Secondary, i got azmi, ainur, salmi, k emi, k ju, k kudut, nik, fairuz, yus. N in utp, i have oja, jue, epi, aiza, hana, mieza, shim. All whom i love so so dearly.

I may not have so many frens, but i know i have my frens that will watch my back n will be with me through thick and thin. For now, i guess. I dun know in the future. I may be kinda a loner, got to be a lil brainy, got a lil scrub of popularity from my frens (azriati, ainur, hana, jue, oja - They are the popular ones).

And yess, i did made mistakes. Huge ones. And rite now, i cant back down. I need to take it as it comes. Im afraid, for my own sake. I dun know, how much i can take anymo. I dun know what i can cling on to rite now. B4, i had this one person to hold me, to get my feet back on the ground wheneva i fall, but he's not here for me anymo. My life is pathetic....sad and pathetic...

I think i've been wearing this mask for far too long that i cant even shed it off rite now....i may not be who i really am....Period...

*Sighed*