OTH

I watched OTH the whole day yesterday n today. It so much as potray my life. Not in the exact details, but quite as much. But the impt msg is to tell that there are consequences we need to face with every decision we make. The gud and the bad, the karma will just going to hit u back, rite between the eye. Whether we like it or not.

Hmmm....I think that i've been a very very bad person lately. I dun even know who i am at times. I dun know. Im just afraid to take chances rite now. Coz everything i did, the decision i made, i think it is the wrong one. Im afraid that things will come back to me the same way as i did to hurt other ppl feelings.

I was not a bad person. Not a bad person at all. I was kinda a rebel, but not that bad. Rite now, i feel like a jerk. There's a mask i've been wearing for so long. When ppl see me, they see the superficial me not the damn real me.

Ppl sumtime say, your frens define who you are. And yes, i've been compared to my frens so many time. I've been trying to tell ppl that i may not be as good as they think i am. And they will say things such as, 'I see u with Oja, Ok aje'. Dun get me wrong, my frens, they were great. I have nothing against them. They are those ppl whom others will classified as gud ones, smart ones etc. In primary, i got tg, azreen, farah and loads more. Secondary, i got azmi, ainur, salmi, k emi, k ju, k kudut, nik, fairuz, yus. N in utp, i have oja, jue, epi, aiza, hana, mieza, shim. All whom i love so so dearly.

I may not have so many frens, but i know i have my frens that will watch my back n will be with me through thick and thin. For now, i guess. I dun know in the future. I may be kinda a loner, got to be a lil brainy, got a lil scrub of popularity from my frens (azriati, ainur, hana, jue, oja - They are the popular ones).

And yess, i did made mistakes. Huge ones. And rite now, i cant back down. I need to take it as it comes. Im afraid, for my own sake. I dun know, how much i can take anymo. I dun know what i can cling on to rite now. B4, i had this one person to hold me, to get my feet back on the ground wheneva i fall, but he's not here for me anymo. My life is pathetic....sad and pathetic...

I think i've been wearing this mask for far too long that i cant even shed it off rite now....i may not be who i really am....Period...

*Sighed*