Trying to Face The Fact

Yesterday, I heard this song from Avril in winamp. "Falling Into History".

It is a song yg he dedicated to me while we had our constant fights and that he was feeling down that i was not there for him - back then. (Im ready to be everything and anything to him, if given just one more chance, :( )

Don't matter what people say
I never did believe them
I know, I know they know everything
I’ll be alright by myself
And no one's gonna tell me I'm defined
Confined by love

Now our days seem strange
I guess my heart was bound to change

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

I never thought that I'd say
That I don't really miss you
I lived, I breathed your breath through me
Time has a way of passing by
Until I don't remember why or how to hurt for you

Love's pain has gone somewhere
And I'm finally hanging it there

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

Falling into, falling into, you're falling into history

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you’re falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

I'll be alright by myself
And no one's gonna tell me I'm defined
Confined by love


Well, so i'm trying to face the fact yg we are not together anymore and that we will never ever will again. He adamantly repeated it when we went out b4 that it rang too many times in my mind ever since.

So, today, while emailing him, im trying to be tough la konon. Bahasa diri as u and me. No more yeen and abg. Then talking about marriage, with other ppl. I even told him yg he's my ex. Which i still had difficulty cathing up with the terms.

I felt jeles everytime i called him, n was put on waiting. Becoz he's on the phone with sumbody else. Well, who else wud call at 12 midnite if it is not a gal? Who is on his rite mind wud call his buddy at the stroke of midnite? Hmmm.....

Trying to be strong, but im not...i miss him terribly. Even when im with my frens n with pleasant company, my mind still space out and drifting. Thinking wut the hell is he doing rite now, with who, is he having fun, does he think of me at all, and a lot more of other stuffs....tough la konon, sehari tak msg die pun rase cam nak pengsan...let alone nak let go...try membz kan diri ngan mende len....but slalu i fail....trying but always to no avail.

Sumtimes i wish i didnt drifted so far away b4. But nobody can turns back time, let alone me. So wut can i do now? Let go, which proved to be so hard? Holding on, which can be only a waste of time? Hmmmm....I still cant decide myself...

*Sighed*