Have you ever felt so messed up in everything that you do that you dont know where and when it really started? Feeling dat way since the beginning of this year. Everything is so twisted dat i cant pinpoint where it all started to go wrong.
I blamed myself for all of it. For everything dat happened. But i guess i know there's no turning back. All i can do is, take it all as it comes by and try to ammend things dat can be ammended. Other than dat, i have to face the consequences of all my actions in the past. No joy in dat...
One thing for sure, sumone said n the words keep playing and repeating in my head "IGNORANCE IS NOT A BLISS". 25 years of my life, it felt like all is a waste of time. Wut did i learn? Wut principles in life dat i hold on to? I tend to say things i regret, i do things i regret, i promised things i cant keep. I lost a fren and love that had been so dear to my heart for so many years. It mite be the one love that i can never ever find again. The love dat so strong that it can endure anything. But i pushed it and end up threw it away. Now i can never have it back, n my life had been so miserable ever since. Wut with my happy face, its a lie...
Wut will happen to me? Only Allah knows wut will become of me. Rite now, all i can think of is just taking a day at a time. And take it all. Facing it all...
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