....Happy Moments....

My Baby Maybe Fear No 5 The Most....Haha

5 Reasons Why Guys Fear Commitment

You've been with your boyfriend for several months or years and you're sitting in a restaurant for girls' night out. The inevitable question arises as you bite into your first jumbo shrimp: "Why hasn't he asked you to marry him yet?" Cocktail sauce drips from the corner of your mouth as you defend your boyfriend from this barrage.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you know your friends are asking a valid question. What is this guy waiting for? Is he stringing me along? Why does he run from engagement talk quicker than people in Pamplona from the running of the bulls?

Today is your day for answers. Here are the top five reasons guys fear commitment and what you can do to overcome them.


Reason #1: Saying "yes" to you means saying "no" to the rest of the world
Let's say he asks you to marry him on a Saturday. Then on Monday he's walking to work and a beautiful woman approaches. As a swinging single, he had the freedom to drop a cute one-liner. Now this knockout is off limits.

The bottom line here is your man wonders if you truly are the best person he'll ever meet or just the best person to date. This quandary can stop a waffling guy in his tracks.

The Solution: Face this issue head-on and admit to your man that the world of women does not magically become ugly the moment he puts a ring on your finger. It's okay to find other women attractive, just like you could take note of a cute guy at the gym. The point is you're mutually agreeing to not act on these impulses.


Reason #2: Women in magazines and on TV look so perfect
Thanks to airbrushing and perfect lighting, women in magazines, movies and TV portray an unattainable look. Your man might mistakenly believe these Hollywood starlets wake up in the morning actually looking like this. He then takes one look at you in sweatpants and suddenly develops a new crush on the Revlon model in Cosmo.

The Solution: All you need to do is find a magazine or website that exposes celebrities without their makeup. These candid photos, complete with skin blemishes, non-designer clothes and unkempt hair, will remind your man that celebrities are regular people too. Then book a romantic evening together where you both dress up elegantly. One look at you in your finest duds and your man will soon realize you too can look like a Hollywood starlet.


Reason #3: I'm not ready to give up guys' night out (i.e., my fraternity days)
From college to the present, your guy has locked in Friday night with the guys. Sports and drinking dominate the night as does hitting on women. Suddenly Fridays transform into dinners with couples, movie rentals and family gatherings. Your man just might miss his high-flying single days and feel jealous of his unattached buddies.

The Solution: Who says marriage means the end of male friendships? Let your man know he can still get together with the guys -- maybe not every Friday night, but certainly one or two times a month. You can do the same with the girls. Remove the need to hit on members of the opposite sex and you're good to go. Besides, these same-gender relationships are healthy.


Reason #4: Relationships shouldn't require so much work
"All we do is talk." We all know some guys have a penchant for avoiding deep conversation. Many guys have friends who claim they never fight with their spouses, or maybe he had parents who shielded him from marital tension. A few too many challenging conversations and your man may wonder if all the stress is a sign of a bad relationship.

The Solution: Quality communication is all about picking the right moment. A long, difficult day at work is not the best precursor to a difficult conversation. Relaxing on the couch, in a low- stress moment, is a much better option. You can also seek out another couple who is willing to be honest about relationship tension that all couples face. Seeing this other couple deal with the same issues might help him realize you're not alone in facing relationship hurdles.


Reason #5: I'm not sure if the things that bother me about you are deal-breakers
Your man loves 38 things about you, but three things about you really annoy him. He can't decide if the 38 lovable qualities outweigh the three annoyances, or if ultimately those three things will drive him batty.

The Solution: You've got to remind your man that sooner or later everyone has the potential to be annoying. Family, roommates, colleagues and spouses all have qualities that can grate on you from time to time. And here's a news flash: he has some annoying qualities too. Marriage is all about accepting a few flaws for the greater good of an otherwise healthy relationship.

Knight in Shining Armor? McDreamy?

Alaa...tell me who in her rite mind tak nak to have her own knight in shining armor or mcdreamy? All gals dream to have the rite kind of guy everyday. Sum mite even go to the extend of dating much too often always to end the relationship in conclusion that the person isn't her 'knight in shining armor' nor 'mcdreamy'. When will us come to our senses that there are zero these kinda person for us out there in the real dating scene. (i mean in this era la...i cant know how it was ages ago. when there are real knights still rooming the land. bluwekkk!!)

Dun get me wrong. My love live is still intact - for now. We had had great time together, and a fair share of bad ones. But THIS is not about me ok? :p

It is just dat i came across this webspace on heart to heart problems where there are a lot of whining gals telling this n that. How he is all lovely n sweet but not the rite guy. How lonely they are. Bla bla bla. How he doesnt understand. bla bla bla. Sounds so much like i was a few months back. Rite? Its not im dissing this gals, mind u. I was so much like these gals before. Maybe a lot of gals out there can relate.

Ntah la. In our short life, we had been fed with ideas there's always Mr Rite for us. The thing is we always want this Mr Rite to do the rite things, to say the rite words and act rite all the time up to our standard. My my, this idea of Mr Rite is so not RITE.

Our Mr Rite mite be the Rite one for us but he mite not always be Rite. Like us mite not always be Ms Rite for them. We just need to come with terms with all their shortcomings as they did ours. If we cant get thru this stage, Mr Rite mite not be so Rite for us. This is when we dissed the Mr Rite thing n hope for our fairytale Knight to show up one day and swept us off our feet.

If you think its happening to you...believe me, its short-lived. My parents called it fling or rebound dating. Yeah, we mite get all tingly and blushing and hepi for a while. But it will all passed once we get to know the person better. And we'll start comparing to our Mr Rite. But the very 1st thing we need to do is TO GET OVER THE IDEA OF FAIRYTALE KNIGHTS KINDA GUYS! Come on. To find sumone who wud fight for ur honour or to do all the lady's bidding -like the knight wud do - come on. There are no such person. Even McDreamy mite only be sumone in our dreams.

Yeah ah... I've come to terms with it. Haha... Owh, u've guessed? :p

Hehehe..N yeah I've found my Mr Rite. After all the fights, the shouts, the name calling, the blackmailing n the tears, the dramas's n all. Hahaha....

I just hope that i am Ms Rite for him. :) yeah, i'm with terms with the mr rite thing. I only dun know the other way around. N Im still finding the answers.

*Sighed*

Natasha Bedingfield Ft Sean Kingston - Love Like This

Oh…
Never find a love like this

We go back so far,
swingin in your back yard,
all the things that we used to do
We were cool back in high school
ooh I really liked you,
must have been your attitude.

That’s why you keep on runnin
in and out of my mind.
As the years they’ll roll by,
Baby, now I know why
I keep comin back to you.

You’re the only one that knows me,
love it when you hold me,
never find a love like this.
Let me hear you say,
now I’ll never be lonely,
look at what you’ve shown me,
never find a love like this

Well this life tried to keep us apart
you keep callin me back to your heart.
Let me hear you say,
aren’t you glad you found me,
wrap you all around me,
never find a love like this.

All the guys tried to take me,
you’re the one who saved me,
I feel like I owe you my life.
And as strange as it may seem,
I’ll go if you take me
home and lent to sacrifice.

That’s why you keep on runnin
in and out of my mind.
As the years, they’ll roll by,
it’s not hard to know why
I keep comin back to you.

You’re the only one that knows me,
love it when you hold me,
never find a love like this.
Let me hear you say,
now I’ll never be lonely,
look at what you’ve shown me,
never find a love like this.

Cause this life tried to keep us apart,
you keep calling me back to your heart.
Let me hear you say,
aren’t you glad you found me,
wrap you all around me,
never find a love like this.

May never find a love, love, love a love like this,
that still make me think about my middle school kiss.
I sit here in this chair and I wish
for you not to leave me now.
My friends they always told me
not to make you my wifey,
man they was putting you down.
And now they see we rollin,
me and you, we strollin,
they don’t wanna come around.

Let me hear you say,
you’re the only one that knows me,
love it when you hold me,
never find a love like this.
Let me hear you say,
now I’ll never be lonely,
look at what you’ve shown me,
never find a love like this.

When this life tries to keep us apart,
you keep callin me back to your heart.
Let me hear you say,
I’m so glad you found me,
wrap you all around me,
never find a love like this,

Oh… Never find a love like this…
When this life tried to keep us apart,
you keep callin me back to your heart,
Let me hear you say,
Oh… Never find a love like this.
Oh… Never find a love like this

Lifehouse - Who We Are

Live my life around a picture
Taken when we met
Spending all of my time
Chasing your silhouette
For all we go through
I don't wanna change you
It's my mind running in reverse
Trying not to forget
Who we were
Where it's at
Here we go

And we break and we burn
And we turn it inside out
To take it back to the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are

Struggling with my thoughts
Change the locks inside my head
Reading between the lines
Of what you say, and what you said
I turn the radio on
To drown me out
Driving through the night to nowhere
Trying to forget
Who we were
And where it's at
Here we go

And we break and we burn
And we turn it inside out
To take it back to the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are

And it's all
To the wind
It's all
In our hands

It's all
To the wind
It's all
In our hands

A Story of My Fren (Freak World)

I dun know how to write about this. I've been keeping it in me for so long already. Ppl mite find this unusual or weird or so illogical. Me myself tot this kind of story only happened in Malay Dramas. But wat happen to my dear fren proves me wrong.

This fren of mine, we started to be good fren in uni tho we were at the same school b4. Given that we are in diff classes n diff circle of frens makes us hardly know each other. But uni life makes us close. We still keep in touch after uni.

In june this year she got married with one of our uni fren. I dun know this guy that well. But he did shower her with expensive gifts, envious at that time bcoz well, my love life was at zero that time. But im happy for them. And she was so excited, 'chirpy' and so full of energy when she talked about their meeting with the in-laws-to-be. So i tot it is all great.

Then, i cant remember when it started. She msg me. Yep, before ramadhan. We catch up a lil. Then i teased her about 1st time fasting with hubby. She said its no diff. That's when i smell sumthing fishy. Becoz, i know her that well, n by the tone of the msg i can know there's sumthing wrong. I started asking her questions. That's when it all burst out. About how sick she was. And how her mom picked her up at her hubby's home town.

Only then she started to spill the beans. She told me after the wedding, she gave 24 hours notice n quit her job to be with her hubby. N she live at his mother's house. Then she started to tell how his mother had change. How she was actually a black magic practicer. She even locked my fren, give her rugs to wear n treated her like a slave. Only when her husband comes home then only the mother change her attitude. All loving and caring.

She 'mengadu' about this to the hubster. But the hubby shake her off. Saying his mother is 'baik'. (Yelah, who can terime bile ppl said our mother is a bad person. Its a lot to digest, i guess.) Then she told me about her miscarriage, due to the fact the the mother wants to sell the 'janin'. And also how 'pontianak' had suck her blood without her knowing. It was all a shock for me. I was like, 'WUT?'. I can hardly believe all that i was being told. But wats the reason for my fren to lie to me. Rite? She's is not a liar as long as we'e been frens for 7 years.

Starting from that point, i keep a close contact with her. Her parents had persuade her to file for divorce. But she tot better of it. Her hubby did nothing wrong. So we dont think that that's the solution. So they plan for the hubster to move to my fren's hometown. But now i heard that the bos dont want to let him go. Now my fren is in dilema whether she should follow him to kl or not.

The thing is, last time they went out together, she saw his mom in their hotel room. N everywhere they go. She said, she need to 'pegi berubat' everytime they met. N she only get sum peace of mind when she is in the boundary of her own house.

Rite now i dun know wut advice to giv to her anymo. His mom's a freak. Seriously. Wut kind of life is that to live....

*Confounded*

Prai

Last week, went to Prai. Sme org cam confused kot kenape i was so into nak naik prai. Sbb the last time pegi kulim, my mum siap suruh bwk teman n all. Kali nih, i ckp kat my bos i nak ikut diorang naik prai. I ckp sbb i nak masuk site. Mule2 my bos ckp die tokleh gi. Die ckp, takpe la, kite gi masuk site next time. Then i said la my reason, I nak masuk sbb nak tgk diorg service vacuum psv. Kalo stakat psv jer, i dah byk kali tgk diorang wat kat sini.

I assumed org akan wat speculation yg i nak pegi jumpe my bf. Yelah, die kat penang kan. Well, dats a bonus ekceli, tp no, my main intention ari tuh was nak masuk site n tgk keje yg diorang wat. Service vacuum break PSV. Which prove to be a gud experience for me jugak la.

Ape yg wat i beria2 nak pegi ekceli sbb i dah busan ekceli mase tuh...cam dah pening asyik duduk kat ofis jer..asyik wat keje paperwork jer. Mcm takde experience dah nak masuk site seme. kalo stakat gi site visit camtuh..cam tak bes.. so i pun decided ngan adamantly nak pegi jugak prai nih.

Well, at least i dah buktikan kat diorang yg i went there utk keje. Mmg la, of coz I jumpe my bf. Yelah dah pinjam kete die pun. So smpi2 penang die yg jemput, n ajar jln nak pegi prai n penang. Then i went to work, n he to his ofis. Mlm tuh pun kejap jer jumpe. Tp the time spent was great la. mkn nandos n jln2 kat area autocity tuh. hehe...

Then the next day blk ngan die. Bess2. :)

Ntah la. Dulu i mcm confuse sme, kenape he choose me sme. ntah2 die nak play revenge ker. n if die ske kat org len ker. Sbb sumtimes die garang n can be very nasty heartbreaker. Hehehe... Tp skrang i dah tak confuse dah. I just take him as he is la. Mmg die garang. N maybe sumtimes he can be a lil un-tackfull (again ader ke ayat nih). Tp datts him. the way he is. Die garang sbb die nak i jadi a better person. Die tak pandai sgt kate2 manis nih. hehehe...only when he's in the mood la. Same him, i ader mende yg i tegur die jugak. N i believe ader mende about me yg die tak puas ati gak. So, in a relationship, i believe there's give n take. I tak menyesal skit pun i pilih die blk. n i tak kisah if ppl think im making a mistake. I think its the best thing yg i ever did. N if it prove to be a mistake. Its my mistake to make. So anyone who have doubts, i dun care. I've got my own stand. :)

*Flying High*

"Funny la Korang nih"

Hehehe...bile nak tulis post nih pun dah tersenyum2 sendiri...heheh...cannot forget la yesterday's nite incident.

Mcm2 berlaku smalam. 1stly mari la sy bercerite dr mule..remember my story about my hosmet yg ktorg tegur sumthing n bende tuh dah mengeruhkan keadaan yg die kluar rumah tuh. well...die dah ader umah baru, n dah ader new hosmet. there's a lot of citer before this, of how die pesan kat hosmet die about sumthing n to our new hosmet jugak about us.

Anyway, this post is not about that...this is about the open house yg die wat smalam, which *tshk tshk* we are not invited. hehe...yg terase sgt2 are our hosmets yg satu ofis ngan diorang. owh, die punyer new hosmet is ofismate pada 2 of our hosmets. n kire cam, kenal, n si hosmet die nih slalu gak la col or msg my hosmets nih. And it was such a shocked bile die tak jemput my hosmet nih. Yelah, die jemput her ofismates yg len, in the presense of my hosmet nih, tp die takde courtesy pun nak ckp nape die tak invite my hosmet nih. Ala, kitorang pun akan fhm la kalo die ckp pasal our x-hosmet nih. hehehe...

So anyway, bg membawa hati2 yg terase nih, kitorang pun mkn besar kat tong juan tmpt yg popular ngan stuffed carb die tuh. So kitorang pun mkn ngan bess nyer kat situ. sambil main uno n mendengar citer sharn. Yg wat ita n me tergelak2 kan die, sbb die sgt lost mase men uno tuh sbb dok asyik bercerite. So, tak pegi open house die pun, kitorang takde la tak hepi ke ape..

Nway, sbb curious, n ktorg dgr citer mcm2, siap ade khemah seme, so kitorang pun plan, after blk mkn tuh, kt gi round area umah diorg nih. Siap salah2 jalan lagi mule2. Well bukan la salah jalan, tp terlepas simpang yg nak masuk umah die. Tp semangat punya pasal, kitorang pun ngan excited nyer u-turn blk. Walaupun kena u-turn tu agak jauh gak la. Then kitorang pun nmpk la majlis yg sedang berlangsung itu. Ngan excited nyer ktorg pun pusing blk, utk tgk kali kedua...Hehhe...

Mase dah pusing blk tuh, kitorang bwk la slow2..then, nmpk la ader mamat n minah n ader budak kecik, bwk cam bungkusan2 bwk blk tuh...kitorang pun ckp la...'tgk korang, siap ader bekas2 polisterine lagi'

then kitorang pun mengamati la budak2 tuh...mule2 kitorang ingatkan a fren of ours cum our spy gak la. tp bukan, pastu saliza ckp, 'ntah2 ofismate korang'..then lepas sharn mengamati mamat tuh mmg sah la budak tuh ofismate die which means ofismate our ex-hosmet nih la...

then mase tuh la i realize yg the girl yg tgh jln ngan mamat tuh was HER!! hahaha.. terjerit2 la kitorang dlm krete sharn yg bising itu....hehehehhe...mmg kantoi kitorang gi spy open house rumah die....mesti die ckp kitorang nih funny....hhaha...
dah la mule2 bwk slow giler, pas tahu tuh die, terus pecut...hehehe....

tp mmg ktorg tergelak giler la bile pk2 blk kejadian tuh...lawak btul...hehehe...
muahahahaha.....:p mesti dlm hati ex hosmet tuh berkate2.."funny la korang nih"
which is her fav quote. :p

*Big grin*

My 'Sweet' Niece

Do I need to say more?
*Grinned*

Like sister like brother...dua2 sgt aktif n tak tau malu...hehe...

Happy Eid Mubarak - Part 2

My Raya Event:-

The day b4 raya
Had to work. But still ok. Went back at 12.30 noon. Stopped to buy lemang. Arrived in kuantan, sent lemang. Still ok.
Rest a lil. Get ready to buke puase. Went out, fetched by him. Went to Ktn Plaza 1st, then plan to go to megamall n break fast at lemon tree. Cancelled at lemon tree becoz, the envi now is not to our fancy. The time spent was great.
Break fast at pizza hut. The service was far too slow. Tp we understand la sbb maybe tgh peek hour. Was comforted by the present of each other. Was gr8 as well. But i did a mistake that i was not aware of at that time.
On our way to his car, bumped into a fren. Sucks.
On the way back. Was ok.
Nite, fight. Sad....


1st Raya
The normal raya day up until Hakeem had his fit.
Basically, ok, terrified, ok..then good thru the nite.


2nd Raya
Ok at first. Had it all planned out. Fight a lil, but still ok.
Went to his house. Was gr8. Went back to my house to change. Went to megamall. Buy sum stuffs. Tot of going to starbucks, but cancelled due to the time. Gr8 time.
Had a fight in the car about sumthing which i can hardly remember how it started. Anyway..Sad day again.


3rd Raya
This was the peek time of my raya. Becoz i had a blast. Went out. To starbucks. 'Lepak'ing. Had sum nice cet. Then went to grab a bite a Rasamas. Then went back home. Amazingly great time.


4th - 7th Raya
I've started working by this time. Bored to the core becoz takde org sgt yg keje lagi at the mo. Tp still ok.


8th Raya
Very sad. Felt left out, alone, un-cared for (ader ke perkataan nih, ahh lantak la, malas nak cek dict.) Sad...very very sad...


9th Raya (today)
Still very sad...

Lifehouse - Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home


Heard this song while ironing this morning. Been searching for the rite song to summarize my feeling. N this is so so true...
My fav band, pandai diorg wat lagu...

*Sighed*

Happy Eid Mubarak

"Semoga Tahun ini dan Tahun2 yg mendatang membawa Rahmat & Hidayah kepada Kamu"

Today is already 5th Syawal. Mama n papa dah start pose 6 since yesterday. I br start hari nih. Pun belum pose 6 lagi...Uwekk...nak kena pose byk hari nih..nak kaver blk seme2...n bleh jimat budget for makan..oh yeah...bgs btul la...:)

Well, i bet everyone have their Syawal stories. My 1st Syawal started as a normal Syawal like Syawal2 before this. Mandi Sunat raya, siap2 pinggan mangkuk n juadah raye. Gi smayang raye. Salin baju raye. Salam wit mama, papa n tok, adik beradik n sedara mara. Then sambung siap2 makanan utk tetamu. Then makan utk diri sendiri. Hehe..

Tp near to noon. Our family had a BIG scare. My nephew Hakeem, he had a fever since the day before. Ummi die dah kasi ubat pcm (if im not mistaken). Tp since he had diarrhea/diarrhoea so we believe ubat tuh kluar blk..:p Anyway, the fever was at check la time tuh. Sbb it was lower than the nite before n at early morning dat day.

Then lepas main2 ngan aki die. Then kitorang pakaikan his samping. Mase tuh die dah start nangis2. Tp ok lagi la lepas tuh. Aki die pujuk. Then bwk die gi jalan. Then, mase papa bwk die gi jalan2 tuh, bwk gi dekat uncle ham (Aki Ham, die panggil). Uncle acah2 nak amik die. Then tetibe die cam sandar kebelakang. We 1st tot he was playing the 'pengsan-pengsan' game he always pulls. Tp ktorng perasan his eyes was rolling above which he never done before. While abg boy betulkan kepala die onto papa's shoulder, mase tuh br kitorang realize he was having a fit. Sbb die dah ketar2. Then abg boy terus tarik die dr papa n bwk lari masuk bilik. N baringkan die atas katil. Then start demah kepala die ngan air. Maybe between 2-3 minutes gak la then die dah ok. Kitorg ni dah tak thn nangis dah. Kalo Tok, tak tau nak ckp la. Tp kitorang tahan, tkt die nmpk mase Hakeem sakit tuh, tkt die plak jadi ape2.

Then after dah terus bwk die gi hospital, n he was admitted for observation. Tp that nite kak lin mintak discharge sbb specialist kat GH tuh sgt la tak professional. Dr yg bengong. Agaknyer die terase nak jadi macam House kot. Tp so not charming. N we are reporting him. Lantak la.

Mule2 my sis nak masukkan Hakeem kat KMC or KSH, tp tak jadi, sbb doc takde. Cuti raye. Then br die teringat kat Dr Ang. Dr pakar kanak2 yg mmg dah kenal budak2 nih. So on 2nd raye tu bwk gi sane. Alhamdulillah, the next day (3rd raye) his fever dah subside. We really had a scare. Tp alhamdulillah it had passed.

So dats the 1s part of my raye story. Nnt when i have the time I'll tell u the other one. :)

Til then, Chioww..

VMA 2007

Yesterday, watched the VMA 2007 with my hosmets. Hehe.. Bukan men lagi kitorang mengutuk britney. My god, die mcm malas nak perform. Takde excitement cam dulu. Mcm a boring chore jer die wat. Ms tgk die perform tu, mcm cannot relate die ngan the 'legendary ms britney spears' tu. Cam totally diff person. Hehe..

Anyway, berbaloi gak la menunggu tuh..Tgk justin perform mak aiii...kitorang kat umah tuh, goes gaga...hehe...*drool* comey btul la mamat nih..Tgk die perform ngan 50 cent pun, comey giler..."she wants it, she wants it" haha..
giler kejap...:p


Baby this a new age, you like my new craze
Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase
The smokes got the club all hazy, spotlights don't do you justice baby
Why don't you come over here, you got me saying

Aayooh
I'm tired of using technology, why don't you sit down on top of me

Aayooh
I'm tired of using technology, I need you right in front of me
Ooh, she wants it, uh uh, she wants it
Ooh, she wants it, uh uh, she wants it
Ooh, she wants it, uh uh (soo), I got to give it to her

Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you
Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you
Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you
Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you

Hhmmmm....*day dream*

Pastu, yg kitorang dpt observe smalam is the female performers and presenters, mostly ader big butt n thighs.. kitorang cam wonder, fesyen ke skrang nih. haha. so im not the only one yg ader problem with my thigh. Nyampah tgk, bile gemuk skit, situ la naik dulu. Bodo.. Hehe...Tp tak kisah, bulan pose nih i manage menurun kan my badan. Even my tite jeans dah tak tite dah. Huhu...sy suke..like my lil niece ckp kat that someone 'nana tak gemuk pun, nana kurus jer' Oh yeah...hahaha...
*wide grin*

"Love shouldnt be A Job to Do"

This quote i amik dr jerry mcguire movie. Watch it yesterday on cinemax. Funny that i always cry when tgk crite2 camnih. Tho i dah tgk byk kali. It is just so sweet. Tho i tot malaysian guys tak as romantic as yg slalu dlm movies or dlm filem 'cinta' tu, maybe i tot wrong. I mean, maybe romantic org malaysia nih len kot. Ntah la. Tp yepp, there are a few situation yg moved me sgt2 yg i cried jugak. Bukan nangis sedih, tp kinda heppi. N because the moment is just so sweet.

My bestfren, oja, doesnt understand. Die ckp i poyo. I tak kisah. :p

After all said n done, i dun mind. I dun mind if one day he realize yg he doesnt love me that much. I wudnt mind if one day he decided yg he dont want to spend the rest of his life with me. I wudnt mind. I wud be devastated, n sad for some time. But i will terima it. I redha if that's the fate yg i kena face. I love him so dearly rite now yg i just want him to be hepi. N if hepi means yg die have to be with someone else, then, i'll wish him all the bes.

For now, its all about us, him and me. I love him, n i do know yg he loves me too. So, for now, i'll live this moment to the fullest n pray for the best. Amin...

Al-Fatihah

In memories of Adik Nurin Jazlin.

Following this case, hati sape yg tak sedih? Sape yg tak wonder? How could a person calling himself a human can do this to a child? Who in his right mind sanggup buat camtuh? I just dun know wut to say. The feeling is so strong towards this case. Hatred to the person yg did this to a child, sedih, kesian, wonder. Criminal cases kat malaysia nih makin menjadi2. And to take advatage on a child. This is so wrong. :'(

N smalam, i saw this tv series. On physchopath killer. He claimed yg he was the messager of God. N cam die ingat die bleh hukum org yg wat salah. Giler physcho la. Ntah ape ntah nak jadi ngan dunia skrang nih.

Imagine wut the world will be for our children or children's children nnt. Just to think of the prospect pun dah wat i shudder. Nauzubillah. I really hope this world can be a better place.

Amin.

Who Am I Kidding? Annoying-ME?

Male, 25, Single

Last Weekend

Last weekend can be concluded as one of the bess weekend in my life. :)
I went to Penang to go to Elia's wedding. N most of the time spent with the one i love. Elia's solemnisation was nice. Their event was simple n sweet. :) Afzal n Elia are meant each other. N to see the union of these two great ppl are just so so so sweet. Hehe...Tho penat, we both had great time photographing the bride n groom. Well not me, i was merely 'constructing' the post. Huhu...

Well, bess jugak dpt catch up with old frens. Farid n Lisa was at the wedding. Jumpe bf lisa. N anak farid yg comey tuh. Tp dlm duk catch up catch up with each other, we neglect the ceramah or khutbah the tok kadi was given. Then tetibe kitorang tgk org dah doa. Rupenyer2 elia dah slamat jadi isteri org time tuh. Without her or us sedar. Bcoz the initial plan was they wud call elia out when its time for the akd nikah. Unfortunately, sbb tok kadi duduk atas bantal yg suppossedly elia duduk, so they tak panggil elia kluar. Poor elia, she missed the most impt moment of her life...luckily there was a video shoot. tp kinda a bummer jugak la.

Anyway, it was his bday. We had great time on the day before. That's when i bought him his present, assuming dat we'd both be too tired after the photoshoot that we wouldnt be able to round the malls for psp. N turns out it was all true. Hehe.. Its a bummer as well, sbb he was cranky n tired, n i wasnt able to put his mood rite. To think it was his bday, n that's how he spent it, its kinda makes me question myself. 'Wud dat sumeone be better than me in dealing with his moods? Wud she be able to cheer him up?' All sorts of mind-poisoning questions. Its not that i didnt try to denied it...But its just me, im the worrier. The over thinking type. I just cudnt help it. Im not blaming him, well he has his reason for not telling them...Hmm...i just hope i can handle it without the feeling of insecurities. In time...I wud...in time...

Luckily sunday was always a lazy day. So we just laid back a bit n had fun just by being and spending time with each other doing basically nothing. Just eating n talking n eating n talking. It was nice. Seriously, it was nice...:)

Oh yes, n it was oja's bday today, so HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY, OJA dear..:)

It was my sis bday yesterday, so HAPPY 32nd BIRTHDAY, K LYNN...:)

N it was my boo's bday on the 25th, so HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY ABG. N as u said, u'r 25 on 25th...:) *Missing U Much Dear, Mwahsss*

Melly Goeslow - Gantung

Melly Goeslaw - Gantung

Ku harus menemui cintaku
Mencari tahu hubungan kita
Apa masih atau t’lah berakhir

(*) Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini
Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab
Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana
Kasih…

Reff I: Sampai kapan kau gantung cerita cintaku
Memberi harapan
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu hoo…

Detik-detik waktupun terbuang
Teganya kau menggantung cintaku
Bicaralah biar semua pasti

Reff II: Gantungnya hubungan cinta denganmu
Membuatku sakit
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu hoo…

Sumthing I came across

Question: Why do I feel threatened by my partner's opposite-sex friends?

Answer: If your partner is enjoying the company of another person, and that person is someone of the opposite sex from your partner, the answer is pretty obvious: you're worried about your mate becoming sexually attracted to that person, and, well, you know what happens next....

It's quite common for a couple to struggle with the thorny issue of opposite-sex friends. Sometimes the problem arises from one partner refusing to let go of past boyfriends or girlfriends. Individuals who keep the old flames' phone numbers in their contact file believe it doesn't make sense to dispose of the friendship just because the romance fizzled out.

Some opposite-sex relationships spring from the workplace. In many job sites, including the military, men and women work side by side. When put into high-intensity situations, people bond. Some people, even if they're married, think that it's artificial to limit these positive work experiences to the office. They figure that if it feels good to be around their officemate during work, it should feel good spending time together after work as well.

Even though your mate sees lots of good reasons to foster these friendships, you have an even better reason not to: because it threatens your relationship.
You're concerned that if your partner has a friendship with a person today, it could grow into a love affair tomorrow. And you have every reason to be concerned.

The Warning Signs

When one individual shares intimacies with another of the opposite sex, they develop a familiarity that binds them closer together. This connection breeds feelings of "specialness" that leaves each with the sense that they have a unique understanding of each other -- one that other people can't appreciate. The big problem with this arrangement is that it excludes you and directs the energies that should be going into your relationship out toward other people.
Your mate may believe that opposite-sex friendships are harmless because his or her friend is married. But that's just dead wrong! Many friendships outside of marriage start as "just friends" and grow closer and more intimate. Because these friendships are so fresh, interesting and compelling, it's not long before the two people involved start to think they are more compatible than their own life partners. It's a small step from that realization to the development of a full-blown affair, and the destruction of a marriage.


Do you need to be concerned?

Ask yourself these questions:
1. Is the person someone whom your partner would consider "attractive"?
2. Are they spending time together outside of the office (even for office lunches) when other people are not around?
3. Has your partner excluded this "friend" from your life, either by nottelling you when they are meeting, refusing to introduce you, or going into another room to talk on the phone when you are nearby?
4. Does your partner tell you that he or she has the kind of relationship with this friend that you just couldn't understand?
A "yes" to question #1 and any of the other three questions means your partner's friendship may be a threat to your relationship.

If your mate is involved in a special relationship that makes you uncomfortable, don't ignore that feeling. You've got to ask for what you need -- for your mate to end further personal and exclusive friendships with people of the opposite sex. Remember, your partner may not be intending to hurt you, and may honestly feel like there is nothing to worry about. You can help him or her understand your concerns; it may help to read this article together.

Finally, your partner may feel it's rude or unfair to the "friend" to end the exclusivity of the friendship. That may be right, but frankly, not taking action is rude and unfair to you. In all cases, the needs of your relationship outweigh the needs of a friend. After all, you should always be number one on your partner's buddy list.

Update2

Dah lame dah tak update2 blog nih. Bukan takde mase, ader je mase ekceli. Cume i got better things to do. Plus i really dun know wut or how to write. A lot, n i mean A LOT of things had happened. Sum bring tears, sum bring joy happiness n all in all, i hope these are for the better.

So, nak crite pasal ape? let me crite pasal a 'misunderstanding' my hosmets had. Well, its started when my hosmets decided nak confront ngan one member of our rumah. We tried to col out a meeting, tp she end up tak dtg. Ktorg ketuk pintu pun die tak kluar. So bile kitorang discuss punyer discuss, kitorang pun decided nak tulis surat kat die. Well, ekceli this surat was meant to ask her y she do the things yg she did. So kitorang pun brainstorm nak tulis ape. Tulis2, dah print seme n dpt persetujuan dr seme hosmet, kitorang pun kasi la kat die.

Tp surat tu telah memburukkan keadaan and menyebabkan kitorang cam bermasam muke. Well ekceli, ader la plan nak face to face sbb seme tulis dlm surat, n emails n cet. So kitorang pun nak la col out meeting again. Tp unfortunately, didecline nye again.
Lastly, this thing end up ngan my hosmet tu kluar.

Well, takde niat sbenarnyer nak wat mende nih jadi camnih. cam tak bess pun ader. Sbb we've been living together for nearly 2 years, tp cannot overcome this stupid thingy. Tp ape2 pun, i guess seme dah jadi, tp i think, my hosmets yg lelen tuh tak regret writing that letter. Sbb we meant to clear the air. Tp dah disalah tafsir. Hopefully die akan realize one day yg wut we did was sincere n just nak a few clarification n understanding from her.

So skrang nih kitorang tgh tunggu a new member yg nak join in our household. :) hopefully mende camni tak jadi lagi in the future.

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That was the 1st update story. The second one, about hakeem. Ishk, anak sedara yg sorang nih skrang dah 1thn 2 bln. Pandai cakap, berlakon n wat gaya2 lawak die. N dah pandai jalan, tp takut n malas. heheh.... Tp sgt bess layan die skrang nih. N bess jer bile dgr die panggil 'Nana'. Die takkan berenti panggil slagi kite tak nyahut blk. Br bukak pintu or die dgr batuk jer, tak nmpk lagi nih, dah panggil dah..'Nana! Nana!' Smpi la nyahut n smpi la kite ader depan2 mate die. :p

Comey...windu dah kat die...br brape jam tak jumpe....

Anis plak, makin nakal. Notty. N very clever. N very cunning. N craving for attention sbb most attention dah berpaling kat adik die...sian die...hehehe... tp takde la cam tak dilayan langsung...layan still layan..:p

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Elia dah nak kawen. Hehe..n guess who's taking the photo for her akad nikah? Oh, obviously not ME. Its my better half. Yup MY better half. :)
The bestest update ever!!

The Fray - How To Save A Life

The Fray - How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Rumput Vs Kasih Sayang kita

I like this analogy:-

Pada suatu pagi di satu sekolah menengah, ada seorang pelajar bertanya pada seorang guru yang sedang mengajar. Ketika itu, guru tersebut sedang menyentuh mengenai kasih dan sayang secara am. Dialog di antara pelajar dan guru tersebut berbunyi begini:

Pelajar : Cikgu, macam mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang paling kita sayang?. Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan?

Cikgu : Oh, awak nak tahu ke?.Emmm...baiklah, sekarang kamu buat apa yang saya suruh. Ikut je ye...mungkin kamu akan dapat apa jawapannya.

Pelajar : Baiklah...apa yang saya harus buat?

Cikgu : Kamu pergi ke padang sekolah yang berada di luar kelas sekarang juga. Kamu berjalan di atas rumput di situ dan sambil memandang rumput di depan kamu, pilih mana yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali. Dan kamu petiklah rumput yang PALING cantik yang berada di depan kamu tersebut dan selepas itu bawa balik ke kelas.

Pelajar : Ok. Saya pergi sekarang dan buat apa yang cikgu suruh.

Apabila pelajar tersebut balik semula ke kelas, tiada pun rumput yang berada di tangannya. Maka cikgu pun bertanya kepada pelajar tersebut.

Cikgu : Mana rumput yang cikgu suruh petik?

Pelajar : Oh, tadi saya berjalan di atas rumput dan sambil memandang rumput yang berada di situ, saya carilah rumput yang paling cantik. Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang paling cantik maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depan sambil mencari yang paling cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya tak jumpa pun yang paling cantik. Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya sebelum itu tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang
semula, jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik.

Cikgu : Ya, itulah jawapannya. Maknanya, apabila kita telah berjumpa dengan seseorang yang kita sayang, janganlah kita hendak mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu. Kita patut hargai orang yang berada di depan kita sebaik-baiknya. Janganlah kita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku. Dan semoga yang berlalu tidak lagi berulang. Jika kita berselisih faham dengan orang yang kita sayang itu, kita boleh perbetulkan keadaan dan cuba teruskan perhubungan tersebut walaupun banyak perkara yang menggugat perhubungan tersebut. Dan ingatlah orang yang kita sayang itulah kita jumpa paling cantik dan paling baik pada MULAnya walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi. KECUALILAH jika perhubungan tersebut tak boleh diselamatkan lagi, maka barulah kita mulakan sekali lagi. Maka sayangilah orang yang berada di depan kita dengan tulus dan ikhlas.

Gwen Stefani - 4 in the Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

Reasons

Just a reminder for myself:-
1. I left
2. Do things behind the back
3. Family

Thoughts

Something i came across in the paper:
"Life is like a landscape. You live in the midst of it, but can describe it only from the vantage point of distance."
-Charles A. Lindbergh (1902-1974)

Befuddled..

Rite now i so dun know where to go, wut to do. His actions and reactions just perplexed me. One moment he was ok. Just go on with life. I'm happy we are frens, just frens. So, i was like, ok..fine. Since u are ok with it, then ok la, we are frens. Then the very next moment, he's jealous and hurting.

I know myself, yg i am not over him. I know we are over. And we are like...never be able to make it or not even gonna try, I guess. Tp I am still here. I may have taken sum baby steps, but I'm not making any big progress. And ppl n time seems to move so fast around me, in a way I think like I'm freezed at this point of my life. I cant seem to move on.

How to make this thing work? Hana kept on saying yg he'll realize eventually. And he might take back his words. But I was like, 'Tak la hana, we'll nvr make it, die ckp, kitorang kwn je. N we will stay frens je'. Yelah, kinda like I am used to the idea yg he's over me. It hurts, tp I've terima it. So, when yesteday happened, I just dun know. I even took a step back. N i start questioning my actions n my decisions. I know it is not a gud thing. Tp how can I not, when I do hope yg he still loves me. And I do hope yg he'll realized yg I'm the one for him. And deep down I feel like we are destined together. :'( No matter how I tried to give sumbody else a chance, it will come to the point where I wud be like, 'Wut? He wont do this,'. So, welcoming sumbody else into my life rite now, is not really an option.

I am seriously so confused, messed up, befuddled, perplexed, and all the synonyms of these. I dont know. I cant wait for him forever. I mean, if he realized it in a year or two, so, it mite be ok...but wut if he realized it 5 or 10 years from now? I wud be like 35 or even 40, which is so damn old. I dun want to spent my life waiting and stuck here, do I? I dun want to die a lonely lady if it turns out he finds somebody else and marry the lady. Kan?

Ya Allah, please help me on this...

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words

Ok2..I know it should read..'It's Over, gal. Let him go..!' :p

Btw, I've already let him go...Duhh....

Awkward

Feeling awkward skit ari nih towards one particular person. Not that it is uncalled for. I'm not regretting or embarrassed or that sort. Just that...ntah la…I am happy. I am glad I did what I did. Tp cam, rase lain skit jer. Maybe cam pelik skit. Or maybe cam erm....awkward la.

Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Sbb cam, maybe cam pk bukan2 skit..pk len skit...padahal mende nyer same jer cam before2. Ntah la...my mind kot. I think we emailed or msg cam biase tp i feel len jugak...Rase cam there's a distance. Tp maybe cam tak...so entah la...

Nak tanye cam segan plak. Tak tanye jadi camni la...abaikan la...tak penting pun rasenyer.

*tak penting ke???*

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

Wonderwall - Oasis

Dgr lagu nih on the way to work tadi. Just reminiscing old time. :)

Wonderwall - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Roadtax

Ok...this gonna be a very pusing2 story. Remember my last post about the roadtax, so here is wut we find out.

Krete tuh kena blacklist atas IC abg boy (my older bro). Bukan atas krete kancil tuh itself. Kesalahan die is potong belah kiri, on 22th Aug, 2006, at 7.32am, at Jalan erm tak ingat ape in Kuala Terengganu. Offender was my my bro with krete wira. Kena saman but he forgot to pay. Then kena naik court but die tak pegi (surat pun tak smpi kat umah). So, we, the family didnt know. I remembered he told sumthing about saman n die tak byr lagi, tp tak tau la smpi skrang.

Ok, since die tak byr, krete kancil nih is atas name die. That's y krete nih kena blacklisted tak bleh renew roadtax. So, kirenyer, it wasnt me la yg kena saman ekor ke wutsoever. It is my bro. Heheh...Lega....

:p

Bla Bla Bla

Dah lame tak jot down sumthing yg panjang2. Well, gud things and bad things happened this past few days. Tp not in the rush nak share with everyone i guess. Ntah la....my other post tuh ader maksud sendri yg only i (and a few selected persons) wud understand n remember i guess. Want to keep it dat way. :)

Well...let me tell things yg i think i dun mind sharing. First pasal my roadtax. Im using my bro's kancil car skrang nih. My initial car (well its not ekceli mine, but mo or less la) is our family maroon wira. And i love this car so so much. Dah attached ngan die. Tp dah swap ngan my brother. :( Well, pasal roadtax nih, my car nih (kancil) roadtax die abis today. Dr isnin dah remind papa utk renew. Tp, since papa kat alor setar n kl, die tokleh nak renew that time. So yesterday papa pegi la jpj utk tlg renew kan. Then, pagi2 tuh papa col, 'Sharina, papa kat JPJ nih, nak renew roadtax, tp tak boleh, sbb kerete dlm senarai itam polis. Mcm mane boleh jadi camtuh? Awak bleh cek kat balai polis kerteh tuh tak?'

I was like, 'Wut?'. Mane ader i wat pape ngan krete tuh. Ishk2....Since smalam ader byk keje, i just cek thru internet...tp takde la plak saman yg tak byr. So ari nih still waiting for my uncle utk cek mende tuh.

Btul2 mendownkan diri la smalam pasal mende nih. Plus ngan rase been betrayed tuh. Hmmmm.......lepas dah cakap ngan papa, masuk toilet, nangis...tensen sgt smalam. Even my new fren yg tumpang pegi blk keje pun perasaan im unusually senyap. Let alone frens yg dah rapat. Hmmm....Tp luckily, i still can manage la...Malam smalam malas dah nak pk pasal mende nih..Tunggu je la sat lagi nih ape yg uncle ckp. Then i guess papa will settle it la. My lovely papa. Hehehe...

N lucky jugak sbb smalam ader org leh nak cheer me up. :) Tho dah kinda late, tp kire ok la...hehehe....*Sigh*

Second, i nak crite pasal ape ek? Erm...pasal keje wud be like, BORING. So tak payah la. Then nak crite pasal ape? Love life? Af coz not..Mane ader love life skrang nih? Ke ader? Hmmmm??? Tp not in the mood to ponder on that either...Wut about.....erm.....my couz? Erm...cam malas jugak jer....hehehe...takpe la...tak payah la crite pape...hehehe..:)

Daaa~~~

Betrayed

I dun like this feeling. Its sumthing yg i really dun like....grrr....Its worst then feeling unloved by the person yg u love. Seriously! Well, I am an expert in that part so i wud know how it feels. To say the least this is worst, ok? But heck, I dun want to discuss it. But seriously i felt like i'd been stabbed at the back. God...help me get thru this.

Realization

ITS OVER!
ITS OVER!
ITS OVER!

Rihanna - Umbrella

This song got nothing to do with anything. I just think it is kinda nice and catchy. "Ella, Ella, eh eh eh"....hehe...:)

Rihanna- Umbrella

You had my heart
We'll never be worlds Apart
They be in magazines
You'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
you can't see shiny cars
That's when you need me there
With you i'll always Share
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

Cause everything
Will never come in between
Your apart of my Entity
Here for infinity
When the war has delt it's part
when the world has delt it's card
If the hand is hard
Together we'll messure up
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

[bridge:]
You can run into my arms
it's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into me)
(there's no distance in between our love)
Go on and let the Rain pour
I'll be out here needing more
Because

[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

It's raining
Oh baby it's raining
Baby Come Into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining
You can always come into me

To Clarify

Ppl mite get the feeling of eagerness in my last post. Please dont get me wrong. Me and azmi, we are not trying to patch our couple things up again. It's kinda over. Erm, we are trying hard to move on. Maybe it is hard, but we are trying. Maybe its time we both give other ppl chances. Maybe.....wuteva....

Its kinda nice to have sumone to be there for u. Not as ur better half, but as a fren. It is nice, to have sumone to talk to about life and what's been going on. Owh come on, we've been together for 6 years, n known each other a lifetime, so give us a break, ok? I wudnt know sumone who knows me better than he does. Seriously. It is so nice having him to talk to.

Tp we are not patching things up. As frens. Strictly frens. :)

Note: there is another side of this story, u know.

Smiley =>

Im all smiley and heppi these past few days. Wut makes me so happy tho there're quite a lot of things that can bring me down? Simple....its AZMI.

He's been so nice these past few days that sumtimes rase cam dulu plak. Not the time yg we were together as couple. Tp as best frens. To sape2 yg tak tau, me and azmi, kitorang skolah same, satu kelas. Kalo nak recap our history, maybe panjang la...sbb it started from standard 6. Best frens mase die kat KMK n i kat UTP.

So its like the old days. Nice. And still ader gaduh2..which i in a way missed it mase kitorang grew apart for like 3 months. So, bile gaduh nih cam bess plak. Hehe. Call me twisted or weird, but i did. Haha....

Yelah, as i told ainur earlier (and him later), sumtimes i wish he could be like other guys yg dun want to be frens dgn their ex as soon as diorang broke up. Tak nak amik tau dah. Tp, well, i fall in love with him (and still is) sbb he is who he is. He's the caring type. Maybe la there's sum old memories n grudge yg he cant forget, tp he is who he is. And im heppi that this doesnt change who he is. In a way, it tells me that i didnt make a mistake by falling in love with him. Hmmmm....

So, takpe la....Azmi's here...and im kinda heppi. Tho, i get sum headache thinking of my lil bro. Tak tau la ape nak jadi ngan akram nih. Mcm2 perangai die. Biase la org ckp, anak bongsu. Yup...ala....akram n me, we are the rebels in our family. Slalu je nak break rules n do things yg our better siblings wont. Hehe....

So, anyway....dah mlm...chiow....

*Wink*Wink*

Simple words

You cant imagine how a few simple words can crushed u.
Its not dat u didnt expect it coming, but it still hurts when it actually comes.
For me today is 'like i did'.
Simple words that can definitely mean a lot of things.
But today, for me, it means devastated. Crushed. Trampled. Bulldozed. All that....by mere simple words.

Our Lives

Last nite, i got this phone call from a dear fren, Ainur. Bleh thn lame gak la kitorang ckp. She is one of my fren yg go way back. Since secondary. Byk la mende yg kitorang went thru together. Kelas same, pengakap, boys, gaduh, made-up, etc etc2.

So, we talked of our lives skrang nih. Just nak catch up with wut each other's been doing. Tu je. Tp in the end, kitorang rase sgt depressed. But, not by the company, mind u. Tp on live in general. We have our own fair share of depressing stories. Tp, all in all, it was gud to talk to fren yg we can always rely on. The one yg u can tell ur dreams, ur fears, ur secrets-the one u've been holding back so that the world wudnt know.

So, it is kinda nice. :)

Ainur, this is for us. :)

The Calling - Our Lives

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go wrong
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
These are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

Contentment

Today, i am just grateful that i am alive. That i am stil breathing and that i still can live my life.

I mite have lost the love of my life. But as far as i can see, i know he's there for me. For the time being at least. Well, maybe for these past two days. We had these really geat conversations. Not the luvey duvey type. But the type when we are really comfortable with our partner. And im really thankful for that.

It mite not help me move on faster, but it does make me stronger in a sense. Maybe the fact that i know he stil care. Maybe not as before, but he does care nevertheless. And the fact that i know he'll always give me the strength and motivation that i need.

Well, im thankful for it. Tho ppl mite say im stupid. But its my life, i can do, i can say and feel wuteva is fit for me. Haha..:p Plus, i think that i've tried to do things to win him back. Yerp, i did. Maybe it was kinda late for him, but i am at ease with myself to know that i had tried. Tho to no avail, but i tried. Rite? Life, it is all about trying kan? So, i am contented.

To add up to this, i think im heppi with my family. They always support me in wut i do. Well, maybe not in all, i made mistakes, i got all sort of punishments. And in family, there are fights. A lil bit here n there. Misunderstanding but as ppl say family luv is unconditional, wuteva u did, whoever u become, it doesnt matter to them, they luv u forever and endlessly.

And i got a job. Maybe not as superior as i hope and dream it to be. But still i got a job. :) Rite.

So, there a lot of things that i need to be thankful for. I shudnt be a wreck case, rite? At least, not for today.

Alhamdulillah.

Anas Hakeem

I ran out of ideas dah nak tulis about this lil fella. The third child of my sis.

Anas Hakeem is his name. Born on 22nd of May, 2006, weighted 2.51kg. Smallest of all three. About two years after Luqman. Delivery tak la complicated sgt, sbb my sis dah awal2 choose nak caeser.

A tough bloke. Had a gud survivor instinct. Nak lawan kakak die yg 4 thn tuh. Have to la. If not asyik kena buli je ngan kakak die. Imagine la, kena pukul or ketuk kepala slamber2 ajer. Tp, budak nih have a fair share of mischief as well. Kakak die tgh syok2 tido, die la yg pegi kaco. Tarik rambut sme. Tp kadang2 cium jugak, peluk. Sayang. Same cam kakak die, adik die tido, cium, sayang. Then br kaco. So kalo nak kasi dua-dua tak kaco each other, kena tido tmpt2 len. Tp mlm mmg wajib la tido ngan ummi n abah die.

Hakeem has a very notty and cheeky face. Wat kitorang rase geram je nak gigit2. Luv his laugh. He's a very jovial kid. Tp sgt panas baran weeii. Kecik2 dah tunjuk belang. Tak dpt ape2, mengamuk. Know how? Geget org, carpet, or wuteva yg ader depan die at the time. Ader one time die nak marah kat kakak die sbb kaco die, die pegang tngan kakak die, tp pegang budak kecik, kakak die smpt la tarik, last2 die tergeget tgn die sendri. Satu rumah terkejut dgr die nangis time tuh. Klakar pun ader gak la. Hahahah.

And same as his sis, die nih pun dah pndai ckp simple words. Ummi, abah, wan, aki, kakak, chantik, ampu (lampu), ta ta (star). Hehehe. Biase la. Budak2, 11 months old baru. Takkan nak ckp in a perfect word kan? Cut him sum slack la. Hahaha.Mcm kakak die jugak, die lmbt skit bab2 jalan nih. Skrang nih nak berdiri pun takut. He may looks kecik molek, tp agak berat jugak la. Just like Luqman, bdn die jenis yg mantap gitu. Hehe. Tp die nih kecik skit dr Luqman dulu. Mase die dlm 4 bulan, he looks so much like Luqman mase Luqman 1 months. So similar, that bile org tgk gambar Luqman dulu, bleh ingat Hakeem.

Hakeem, sgt active. Not at all like kakak die at the same age. Maybe sbb laki kot. Panjat sini, panjat sane. Active. Tak duduk diam seminit pun if he's awake. Kalo atas katil tuh pun die boleh turun. Luckily kitorang dah ajar awal2, if die nak turun, turun kaki dulu, so die akan pusing badan everytime die nak turun katil. So far, takde la kes die jatuh katil lagi. Hampir2 la, but then tuh mase die kecik lagi. Alhamdulillah my sis smpt smbut. Mother instinct. Tgh tido pun bleh sedar. :)

For me la, nakal si Hakeem nih die cover utk Luqman skali. Hahahah...Can't imagine camne nak jaga 3-3 had Luqman is still with us. As i said b4, semua ader hikmah die. Alhamdulillah we have Hakeem utk melepaskan rindu to Luqman.

More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152719.

Anas Luqman

Anas Luqman. He's my nephew. My late nephew.

He was born on 27th May 2004, weighted 3.59kg. This lil fella, my sis mmg face complication nk deliver die. Her water broke, tp die tak perasan. Up until die dah on the way nak blk kuantan, die start sakit2. My mother suruh die singgah HKT since my bro is there. So, kat situ la die deliver our dear Luqman.

At first, the doctors suruh die push. Tho die ckp die dah tak larat. Smpi my bro pun kena marah. Yes, my bro pun masuk delivery room tu. Sbelah tgn die pegang abg din (my bro-in-law), another my bro. I cant imagine the hurt. Tp die mmg tokleh push mase tuh. Pastu, bile dah paksa2 jugak, dah push2, kepala Luqman dah kluar, br doc realized yg Luqman nyer position tak bleh nak deliver the normal way. Pastu diorang suruh my sis nih stop push. Bygkan la. Kena wat c plak.

Mase tgh sakit2 tuh, die kena plak sign form utk agree wat c. Tak bleh org len sign. So since die dah sgt penat n dah try deliver the normal way, doc kasi die bius satu bdn for the operation. And after a few hours, lahirla our beloved Anas Luqman.

Luqman, I cant describe him in loads of words compare to anis. He was with us for a short but very meaningful and memorable time.

He passed away a day before raye puase, 2004 (13th Nov, 2004) due to virus infection in the lung, kidney, heart. We didnt know until the very last day of his life. He was having a fever for a few days. Tp mase die kat Besut my sis ader bwk die to clinic, tp diorang just kasi ubat utk diarrhea n fever. I was fetching my sis n her beloved children with papa three days b4 raye tuh. And yes, anas sgt cranky in a way. We just tot sbb die demam. Die asyik merengek, cannot sleep, and not active at all. Kalo tido pun, die nak atas riba org. Nvr imagine he'll be living us in two days time.

(Note to other parents, n myself in the future: If your child tak playful, bwk la gi jumpe doc. Get a thorough check-up. Sbb children, tho die skt, die still can be active. Maybe takde la active as they usually are, tp still active. Tp if die snyp, n cam penat jer all the time, pegi la wat checkup. There must be sumthing wrong. Tp kalo anak tu mmg cam senyap n budak yg baik (there are babies camnih), kire cam mmg die normal camtuh, so takde mende la nak worri. Unless mmg die skt la. Hehe. Tp tak salah if we get a thorough check-up. For our child, our pride n joy jugak kan? We want the best for them, kan?).

Anas, I can just describe him as a very well behaved child. Sgt kuat n tough. Sbb mase tuh anis still kecik. A year n a half kot. Anis nak tunjuk affection pun kadang2 cam kasar, so kinda menyakitkan Luqman jugak. But, everything yg kakak die 'terbuat' kat die, he just winced a bit. Luqman, suare die sgt nyaring n kuat. Kalo compare 3-3 adik bradik, nangis Luqman plg kuat. Hehehe...And for me, die sgt adorable. If you look at him, esp mase die 4-5 months tuh, you just cant help but fall in love ngan die. Seriously, i think he's adorable.

And die la peneman ummi die tgh AF2 mlm2. Hehehe. Sbb die agak susah nak tido malam2 nih. Time die active. Hehe. N my sis also ckp, luqman, if die nak susu mlm2, kalo org tak sedar, die senyap jer. Just gerak2 kan badan skit2. Unless kalo my sis tak jage jugak, br la die nangis.

And, mind you, he's the anak sedara yg berjaya kencing atas me. While i was changing his diapers. Tp i still love him dearly. At least i do have sumthing to look back to. Hahaha....I miss him. Cant help but feel a lil regret. Sumtimes i feel yg mcm i dun give him as much attention as i gave anis b4. Die duk jauh kat besut pun time tu. Anis mase kecik die duk muadzam, like one an a half hour drive dr kuantan. Besut is like 6 hours man. Tp, i wished i had taken the time. There was a gap of 2-3 months i tak tgk die. Updated with his perkembangan. Tp tak jumpe. I regret it so so much. Tp maybe Allah nak save me the memories kot. Tkt i cant terima if attached sgt dgn die. Sbb everything mesti ader hikmah kan?

Tp one thing yg Im thankful, I smpt spend the last 2 days ngan of his life with him. And thank god he remembered me tho dah tak jumpe lame. My sis ckp, die sgt susah nak pegi kat org yg die tak kenal. I smpi2 rumah tuh, amik die, die tak nangis pun, he even slept on my lap. Kak Lin ckp, dgn abah die pun die tak nak tido. So, Im so damn thankful. (Im crying while I'm writing this, cant help).

May he rest in peace and ditempatkan di syurga di tmpt2 org yg soleh and beriman. Al-Fatihah. Amin.

I miss so damn much lil fella.
More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152712.

Anis 'Aqilah

This is Anis. My beloved 4-year-old niece. Sgt nakal n manja. She's my sis's daughter. First in the family. So you can imagine how spoilt she is. And yes, thanks to the always obliging aki, wan, nana, ayah su and ayah ngah. Hahah..

Anis, she was born on 8th Apr 2003, weighted 2.79kg. First baby, so kinda complicated skit nak deliver. Haha..My sis almost kena c, tp die adamant nak try pushed jugak, so end up budak nih kena vacuum.

She's the pride and joy of our family. She talks a lot. She can talk skit2 from the age of 11 months. Simple words la. Usually org ckp, kalo mulut die cepat, jalan lambat. For her case, die start jln when she is 13 months.

For me, anis is very clever. In a way yg mcm org besar la konon2. In the way of talking la. U can be amazed sumtime and shock by the words yg she used. Sbb tk sangka die paham the makne behind the words. If tak caya, try la dtg to my house, check her out yourself. Haha.

When she was lil, me and my boo (at that time) slalu bwk die kluar jalan2. Usually we will always had a blast. Pegi pantai, playground. She wud like us to bring her to play the 'sshlide', 'sshwing' etc2. My boo pun dun mind a bit. Oh, and my boo's family as well. Kinda, they were attached to anis in sum way or another and anis to them. Anis skrang nih will always make a statement cam, 'Anis rindu Uncle', 'Nana bile nak kawen ngan Uncle, Anis syg Uncle'. Sweet, but also depressing for me. Hahaha..enuff of my love life. This entry shudnt be a trip down memory lane. :p (To see his entry on anis, go to this link http://noruazumi.fotopages.com/?entry=579231).

Continue on Anis. Die dah skolah. Die gi skolah dlm kul 9 - 12.30. Then die akan pegi ngaji at 3.30 to 4.30. She loves making frens. She can be very frenly when she is in the mood. Tp watch out, kalo ader org yg pelik2 skit, better get her away from the person's hearing distant. If not, she can voice out her mind, ikut ske ati die jer nak cakap ape. Budak kecik, mane phm the word yg she said can be very offending. Hehe.. By the way, pasal skolah tuh, die masuk preschool, that is utk meringankan beban my mom n dad. Sbb pagi my sis n bro-in-law keje. So, by hantar die ke skolah, bleh la educate die n also, utk mengelakkan die notty sgt kat rumah. Sbb tkt die gaduh ngan adik die, sape susah, kitorang jugak.

Kat skolah, she learns english, maths, bm, n mandarin. She can converse in mandarin very well. At first we thought she was talking rubbish. But then one day, kitorang dgr die had a conversation ngan this chinese guy yg baiki our house. And that chinese guy ckp, die pandai ckp mandarin. So there you go. So, if nak ajar ur children ape2, start at a very young age. Die mudah blaja time2 nih. Tp ironically, she doesnt like english, whereas my sis is an english teacher. Haha..So, i guess genes dont have anything to do with ur minat. ;p

Rite now, she is in a very...erm....insecure stage of her tender age. Sbb nyer, she just got a new bro, Anas Hakeem, of 11 months. Her late bro Anas Luqman passed away 2 years ago in the age of 5 months. So, after being the center of attention for the 3 years of her life, skrang kena kongsi ngan adik die. Sgtla sensitif nyer skrang nih. Yesterday, i need to bring her to mcd, just becoz die jeles i brought back a mcd toy for his bro. I said, i will buy for her other times, terus nangis, merajuk lari naik atas. Heheh...pastu die ketuk2 kepala adik die. Jeles punyer pasal. So, nak pujuk blk and utk elakkan adik die jadi bhn pelepas marah n jeles die, bwk la die gi mcd, beli toy hello kitty plak.

Well, tu la serba skit bout my sweet lil niece nih.

P/s: Die nih pun dah jadi my companion bile nak tgk wayang citer budak2. Hehe.

(Nak lighten things up a lil bit. My blog is far too depressing if not. Hehe...)

More pictures at http://sharinaazreen.fotopages.com/?entry=1152402.

OTH

I watched OTH the whole day yesterday n today. It so much as potray my life. Not in the exact details, but quite as much. But the impt msg is to tell that there are consequences we need to face with every decision we make. The gud and the bad, the karma will just going to hit u back, rite between the eye. Whether we like it or not.

Hmmm....I think that i've been a very very bad person lately. I dun even know who i am at times. I dun know. Im just afraid to take chances rite now. Coz everything i did, the decision i made, i think it is the wrong one. Im afraid that things will come back to me the same way as i did to hurt other ppl feelings.

I was not a bad person. Not a bad person at all. I was kinda a rebel, but not that bad. Rite now, i feel like a jerk. There's a mask i've been wearing for so long. When ppl see me, they see the superficial me not the damn real me.

Ppl sumtime say, your frens define who you are. And yes, i've been compared to my frens so many time. I've been trying to tell ppl that i may not be as good as they think i am. And they will say things such as, 'I see u with Oja, Ok aje'. Dun get me wrong, my frens, they were great. I have nothing against them. They are those ppl whom others will classified as gud ones, smart ones etc. In primary, i got tg, azreen, farah and loads more. Secondary, i got azmi, ainur, salmi, k emi, k ju, k kudut, nik, fairuz, yus. N in utp, i have oja, jue, epi, aiza, hana, mieza, shim. All whom i love so so dearly.

I may not have so many frens, but i know i have my frens that will watch my back n will be with me through thick and thin. For now, i guess. I dun know in the future. I may be kinda a loner, got to be a lil brainy, got a lil scrub of popularity from my frens (azriati, ainur, hana, jue, oja - They are the popular ones).

And yess, i did made mistakes. Huge ones. And rite now, i cant back down. I need to take it as it comes. Im afraid, for my own sake. I dun know, how much i can take anymo. I dun know what i can cling on to rite now. B4, i had this one person to hold me, to get my feet back on the ground wheneva i fall, but he's not here for me anymo. My life is pathetic....sad and pathetic...

I think i've been wearing this mask for far too long that i cant even shed it off rite now....i may not be who i really am....Period...

*Sighed*

Trying to Face The Fact

Yesterday, I heard this song from Avril in winamp. "Falling Into History".

It is a song yg he dedicated to me while we had our constant fights and that he was feeling down that i was not there for him - back then. (Im ready to be everything and anything to him, if given just one more chance, :( )

Don't matter what people say
I never did believe them
I know, I know they know everything
I’ll be alright by myself
And no one's gonna tell me I'm defined
Confined by love

Now our days seem strange
I guess my heart was bound to change

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

I never thought that I'd say
That I don't really miss you
I lived, I breathed your breath through me
Time has a way of passing by
Until I don't remember why or how to hurt for you

Love's pain has gone somewhere
And I'm finally hanging it there

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

Falling into, falling into, you're falling into history

I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you’re falling into history
I fell out, out of you and me
You're fading from view
And you're falling into history

I'll be alright by myself
And no one's gonna tell me I'm defined
Confined by love


Well, so i'm trying to face the fact yg we are not together anymore and that we will never ever will again. He adamantly repeated it when we went out b4 that it rang too many times in my mind ever since.

So, today, while emailing him, im trying to be tough la konon. Bahasa diri as u and me. No more yeen and abg. Then talking about marriage, with other ppl. I even told him yg he's my ex. Which i still had difficulty cathing up with the terms.

I felt jeles everytime i called him, n was put on waiting. Becoz he's on the phone with sumbody else. Well, who else wud call at 12 midnite if it is not a gal? Who is on his rite mind wud call his buddy at the stroke of midnite? Hmmm.....

Trying to be strong, but im not...i miss him terribly. Even when im with my frens n with pleasant company, my mind still space out and drifting. Thinking wut the hell is he doing rite now, with who, is he having fun, does he think of me at all, and a lot more of other stuffs....tough la konon, sehari tak msg die pun rase cam nak pengsan...let alone nak let go...try membz kan diri ngan mende len....but slalu i fail....trying but always to no avail.

Sumtimes i wish i didnt drifted so far away b4. But nobody can turns back time, let alone me. So wut can i do now? Let go, which proved to be so hard? Holding on, which can be only a waste of time? Hmmmm....I still cant decide myself...

*Sighed*

The Pretty Lady - Somthing to Ponder Upon

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry the pretty lady across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. "How can big disciple brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" thought the little monk. But he kept quiet.

The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about the big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. "How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite." The big monk looked surprised and said, "I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"

The moral of the story

This very old Chinese zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt; sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous.

But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. We keep on carrying the baggage of the "pretty lady" with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony.

We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, immediately after the unpleasant event is over. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.